Like it was yesterday

Recently I have been working myself to death.

As much pleasure I've found being busy, I lose the capability to think. On top of it, I was getting satisfied, or should I say, sexafied.

Now that I've got my long awaited holiday, the sex stopped, sadly. And here I found myself thinking about the things I've been avoiding.

Might be the hormones, because shortly, I started crying like the day he broke my heart. I've been hypnotising myself he's not coming back, so how come I'm fantasizing he is again? It's gonna be a while till I am able to control myself again. Not to mentioned, I'm starting to get little outburst. As much as I would like to play the game where I'm friends with everyone, people are starting to tick me off. My fake face is slipping.

Sure, I'm getting a raise at work, but I'm not happy. Period. People say, I should be happy with what I have, because I'm more fortunate than anyone else. But, I'm not happy.

I live for passion. If the passion is dead, you might as well hold a gun and shoot me.

My passion, has left me long gone, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Pathetic. I'm planning a trip to visit him. Stupid. Yet, I'm doing it. What am I pining for? For him to want me back. Possibly. For him to give me one last final blow and that one last hope is gone, that I can either end my life or move on with him. I'm such a loser.