Affair

It's times like this I want to betray everybody around me.

My boyfriend is the best thing that's ever happened to me.  At this point, I feel like having an affair with another man. He's away.

And then he'll abandon me like everyone else. Nothing lasts. Everything dies.

I don't deserve anyone.  I can only be someone's mistress. The one that gets fingers pointed at. Disgusting. Dirty. Ugly. Foul. Useless.

I feel better

I seem to get hurt easily by the slightest offense or provoke. The tendency of always wanting to be in the good side of people is killing me. The sorrow and depression don't want to leave me.

So I found a way...

Yes, I found a way! All this pain seems to leave me when I inflict pain to myself.

It feels so GOOD! I repeatedly threw myself down the stairs. The more painful it becomes, the better I'd feel.

I'm enjoying it. I know it sounds sadistic but it works!