Triumphs and Falls

I live this life, alone

2011-10-31T08:29:00.000-07:00

La vida, es mejor que nunca conozca. Es posible que la pena sea más tremenda que la felicidad. Pero, la vida no es completa sin los dos. La vida, es mejor, nunca me lo de demasiada felicidad porque la pena que se equivale el valor, ya no puedo aguantar nunca más...

I never mentioned this, but everytime Chris screws me over (when I stalk his facebook wall), I turn to this guy at work. But now, when I am particularly down. Even my fling is moving on.

I guess I'm not the kind of girl a guy would want to date. Have sex?Yes, girlfriend? No. I never experienced been brought home, or being the profile photo of my past boyfriends... It's as though I'm an embarrassment. I guess I am.

A walking zombie, with a smile telling people I'm okay. Convince myself I'm gonna be. Do I believe it? Maybe.

People live a pretentious life, don't they?

It's over

2011-10-30T20:42:00.000-07:00

Every tingly bad omen I get, comes true.

In this case, I suspect my ex has a new girlfriend. Yes, I'm still stalking him.

And he is moving on. Although my brain has told me this a million times, but still, my hearts says... Maybe, maybe he still loves me. Maybe there's more to what meets the eye.

Boy, was my heart wrong. We hadn't spoke ever since the breakup. Not because I don't want to, because he wouldn't reply.

Finally, I private messaged him and he said he's seeing someone new. Of course, I thought he would never reply me. Offering me a gimpse of hope that maybe we will be back together again.

He is happy. Happy with her. It's time for me to move on. Better said than done.

I loved him, still do, and always will.

People say you will not be with the one you love the most. I wanted to challenge that. Apparently, I lost.

They say, you have to live better and show him what he is missing out. But this is not a competition for me, he didn't do me wrong, love just died out, for him.

I hope I survive this, then again, I hope tomorrow never comes.

My heart,... stay strong for me.

Like it was yesterday

2011-10-20T09:04:00.000-07:00

Recently I have been working myself to death.

As much pleasure I've found being busy, I lose the capability to think. On top of it, I was getting satisfied, or should I say, sexafied.

Now that I've got my long awaited holiday, the sex stopped, sadly. And here I found myself thinking about the things I've been avoiding.

Might be the hormones, because shortly, I started crying like the day he broke my heart. I've been hypnotising myself he's not coming back, so how come I'm fantasizing he is again? It's gonna be a while till I am able to control myself again. Not to mentioned, I'm starting to get little outburst. As much as I would like to play the game where I'm friends with everyone, people are starting to tick me off. My fake face is slipping.

Sure, I'm getting a raise at work, but I'm not happy. Period. People say, I should be happy with what I have, because I'm more fortunate than anyone else. But, I'm not happy.

I live for passion. If the passion is dead, you might as well hold a gun and shoot me.

My passion, has left me long gone, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Pathetic. I'm planning a trip to visit him. Stupid. Yet, I'm doing it. What am I pining for? For him to want me back. Possibly. For him to give me one last final blow and that one last hope is gone, that I can either end my life or move on with him. I'm such a loser.

Loneliness

2011-09-05T13:49:00.001-07:00

I realised that as much as I love the serenity of being alone, I hate being alone. Yeap, I'm a walking contradiction.

Another sleepless night. Seriously, what does a woman need to do to get some sleep around here?

It's 5am in the morning, and all I can think about is work. Funny because work was never my number one priority. Well, I have to admit, one of it being the reason stalking the ex of mine.

You know what I need? Sex, period. The warmth of the opposite sex and feelings detached like Rihanna's California King bed. Definitely need to get some of that. Heck, that's what I've been trying to get for the past two months, no luck in that. Who said it was an easy job for the girls? Imma gonna whack the head.

As much as I want some action, people have been telling me to play it safe. Get a dildo. But seriously, I prefer the real thing. No, I don't like to cuddle, but I like to be forced to cuddle. Might be a fetish there. Yeah baby, I like it rough.

I'm going practise abstinence now, and see where that gets me. *snicker Not because I want to, because there ain't no other way (don't you just love double negatives?).

Untitled

2011-09-05T00:18:00.000-07:00

In life, we struggle, will we ever get there?

People say we should set our goals and be motivated to get there. What motivates us? There's a reason to get to the place or level you want to be. There's a goal but where's the motivation, if you have a goal, there should be the motivation.

What if, you're sick and tired of the situation, but you're not doing anything about it? You're weak, you're tired, you wish eveything could just die off like at the snap of a finger.

You don't want to fight anymore. You just want someone, someone special to be there for you. A shoulder to lie on. To tell you "it's going to be okay". I've been comforted oh so much, now emptiness is something I have to get used to. Life's not a fairy tale, so it definitely doesn't end with happy ever after. Yet, we're humans waiting for salvation, waiting to be saved, not from enemies, but from the darkness of our hearts.

I wish I was a bimbo, or maybe I am, just worried about the petty things like what to wear tomorrow, or how am I going to fix this chipped nail.

Everybody's got their problems. I just want to dwell in this sinful life. Drugs, alcohol and sex just so I can ignore and run away from this ache I have. That's how weak I am, to resort to alien substance to make myself feel better. Hopefully I'll find the strength to one day get up, sober.

Four months and counting

2011-09-04T12:51:00.001-07:00

Dear Diary,

It sucks when it's late at night, and all you can think of is the guy that dumped you. Been trying so hard to look for a replacement so I can fill that ache in my heart. Apparently trying too hard is getting you no where.

It sucks being emo. It's like your life is on hold since the day he left you. Looking past my records, I should have been over him by now. Seriously, why mop over some guy who is not into you anyway? It's really frustrating. You look up and wonder if he's looking at the stars like you are under the same sky.

He's far away. Unreachable. Another country, yet there are so many things that remind me too much of him, of us, too much to take. One minute you're okay the next, you're crying your eyes out.

"It's better to be badder because badder is better" is what he used to say. He's a good kid, I smirked at times when he wants to act all tough or a bad boy when really, he's a good boy at heart.

I still can't forget the moment he broke off with me, he said " I was never a good boy to begin with" and the "I don't love you anymore" just seemed shady. Karma's a bitch and that's what I always say to my previous ex-es, that I have loved you but no more. The tables are turned and look at me now.

Now it's just ironic that it's happening to me. I start to doubt if it was just lust. It would have been better if it was just lust. And not asking so much from me. Past relationships are just past relationship, why can't I just own up to it and just admit that he doesn't love me anymore and move on.

Moving on, I think I'm doing it but every time I take one step forward I'll have to take two steps back. Am I not strong enough for this? I can't even make plans for my future studies just because it feel likes I'm going to be even further away from him. Obviously I am not over him, obviously I'm thinking I still have a chance with him. Chance of what? He won't even talk to me anymore.

Closure, is probably an excuse for me not to get over him. Of which, he never gave me either. The idea of getting his name tattooed on me is uber stupid, yet I'm thinking about it. Five years down the road, I'd probably have another boyfriend and blatantly laugh at my stupidity.

Life is beautiful, but I keep thinking, I don't mind if I die right now, because I have nothing to lose. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal, just that I realised I have no passion in life no more. I live for passion, and now I see myself crumble and fall and fail to see a reason to get up. For myself.

Love is not everything, everything happens for a reason. I see the logic, I just don't get the logic. It would be easy to let the brain do the talking and the heart can suck for all I care. But, it doesn't work that way.

I made it a point to not ramble on my blog, but I can never truely decide on one thing anyway. Tomorrow I'd probably look at this post and think what the fuck was I thinking the night before. Might even regret missing out on a big party because I was not feeling it.

All in all, I am just a weakling who can't accept defeat. I'm running away from reality and will always be this little girl who would never grow up. Sigh, I miss that girl who used to think that the sky's the limit. Now everything is... unreachable. I pray that some day, one day, I'll find my muse, my motivation,... perhaps, myself again.

Or maybe, he'll come back to me. Wishful thinking.

2 years later

2011-05-22T21:57:00.000-07:00

I can never put my heart fully into something. See, once again I abandoned the blog, not that it has viewers anyway. So... I have been to Spain, Korea, graduated, had considerably long term boyfriend (past 3 months is considered long term XD)and had my heart ripped out for the past two years. Nothing's more fun than an interracial relationship. I've been having a nice read from My Korean Boyfriend blog. Maybe I should rename this as My Ex Korean Boyfriend. Lol. We had epic moments that I would like to share.

So yeah, maybe I'll blog again. Nothing is more creativity than an emo person LOL.

I don't think I'll do anymore manga updates, I kinda forced myself out of that addiction.

Turned on

2008-07-20T07:48:00.000-07:00

My husband sent me screaming at the top of my lungs with his latest photoshoot. He made me a very very very happy woman. Next to the almost naked photo of yamapi (Tomohisa yamashita).

My damn hot husband

My damn hot underground lover

I feel like a perverted woman now.

p/s: Xiah JunSoo is korean spelling while JunSu is japanese spelling. So technically both spellings are correct. Please do not criticise me for this.

p/p/s: the nipples of men are these small?

Tagged

2008-05-02T07:04:00.000-07:00

This is the first time I'm tagged.

By none other than Steph.

The Rules
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. Tag eight people at the end of this post and list their names.
4. Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment on their blogs.

To be honest, I can't think of 8 facts so this is the best I can do.

Random fact #1
I always wake up 15 minutes before class. Always.

Random fact #2
Always striving to having the perfect set of boobs (not plastic surgery, please)

Random fact #3
manga and anime addict. Can't stop once hooked on one.

Random fact #4
I have a husband.

I wish!

Random fact #5
I accumulate a week of underwear before washing them.

Random fact #6
I'm desperate.

Note: I'm 21.

Random fact #7
I like touching my friends' boobs.

Random fact #8
As a girl, I talk too much *beep* *beep*

There you have it, 8 freaking facts.

As for the eight people...
Can't think of any, so anybody who wants to do this, be my guest.

Nude bra

2008-04-01T00:08:00.000-07:00

Bra alert!

Some of my friends decided to give me something I really need for my birthday.

Self adversive transparent bra.

I've discovered something amusing.

Instant boobs!

Let's take a zoom in, shall we?

I can hold a 20 cents coin with my breasts!

Practically everyone celebrated.

Thanks guys... I think.

Manga Announcement

2008-03-31T23:56:00.000-07:00

Sorry for not updating. I'm sorry to say that I will not upload any manga for the time being because;

1. No internet connection (yes, my hostel sucks and don't worry I'm moving home in less than one month)

2. Exam (no study no play)

3. Burn most of my manga but I didn't list them so finding them is kinda hectic

4. No time!

Sorry for the inconvenience but if you could wait for few weeks, I will get back to you. Btw, I'll be done by 28 April.

Manga update

2008-02-24T09:45:00.000-08:00

I should have update this a month ago but I got engrossed in reading those downloaded manga. I have a few things to celebrate. And this is why

1. Love celeb - complete (raw)
2. Love monster - complete (raw)
3. Beauty pop - until vol. 9 (raw)
4. Perfect girl evolution - till vol. 17 (raw)
5. Ouran high school! (forgot till where) (raw)
6. Ghost hunt - till vol.9 (raw)
7. God save our king - tll chapter 19 (raw)
8. a whole 15GB of manga of newly downloaded manga!

That's what I did during the chinese new year holidays. I can't download anymore now that I'm back in this hostel T.T

Of course, it'll take a while before I'll update the manga list. Some titles could be such a hectic.

I sleep better with chipster?

2008-02-12T23:38:00.000-08:00

Cannot lar...

Also cannot lar

Even cannot lar

Ahhh...

Not a very happy incoming birthday

2008-02-08T01:17:00.000-08:00

In a few more hours, I'll be turning 21. I don't really feel it coming but as time passes, I start to fear! Am all alone now in my brother's condo. I can't help but feel a bit... lonely. Please somebody call me and talk to me. I need accompany.

Yours truly, waiting by the phone.

...

Chinese new year has made everybody forgotten about me. T.T

Basketball season photoshoot

2008-02-03T22:47:00.000-08:00

Now that the basketball season's over. I've decided to post up some photos~

Of course, I'll have to warn you, it's not for the faint at heart. It's all cam whoring. Your magical beautiful wish that I may be a gorgeous babe could be crushed. (Did you even ever thought about it that way?)

The whole basketball team.

Me and Joey.

Me, Wen Wen, the irreplaceable center and Lili, the basketball manager.

With coach Alex.

Number 4 to number 15.

Err.. nothing to add to that.

Speechless. Me and Sin Yee.

There seemed to be a presence among us.

Me and Jenn.

Tensed before match.

Me, Sin Yee and Jenn.

Erm... basketball season photoshoot of the year.

Kiss kiss. Me and Pei Ru.

And finally...

Happy chinese new year everyone!

My dictionary #1

2008-02-03T08:43:00.000-08:00

Don't judge a book by its cover - judge it by its pimples.

Don't tell a guy how good he looks - tell him how cute his butt looks.

Girly brother?

2008-02-03T08:15:00.000-08:00

I'm not going back to Kota Kinabalu for the chinese new year holidays. That means that I won't be receiving any ang paos from my relatives. Stupid stupid of me for forgetting to book airplane tickets.

I didn't even know that the hostel will be closed too! So now here I am in my brother's condo. My relationship with my brother is well, okay. He always gave people the impression that he's tough by showing his rippling muscles.

He has the man-liness qualities. But today, when I moved in...

Tough guy talking about shoes? I think not.

To make things worse, he told me...

A... A++...? That's going to be even bigger than mine! Noo! I can't have a brother having bigger boobs than me!

Attention disorder

2008-01-28T19:56:00.000-08:00

My lecturer told me yesterday that I'm suffering from some attention disorder. I must admit, she's right. After the boo-hoo crying sobbing whatever, it doesn't hurt so much. Maybe I'm getting old to care about this kind of stuff.

Thinking back...

When playing the dominos and connection game (answers have to be in spanish).

I have an ass and boob fetish. I love touching my friends'.

And in every conversation, it's either about how pretty I am (nassicism?) or about XXX.

So I do have attention disorder. Damn.

The armpit hair tactic

2008-01-23T05:27:00.000-08:00

Yes, this is another post about armpit hair. I hadn't been able to update much this week due to the grueling basketball training. The competition has began and my team is now in the semi finals. More matches tomorrow. Owh, my body is too old to take it anymore.

We didn't have basketball uniforms made because there's some cheapskate around. So we borrowed the uniforms from the guys' team. And boy, it's damn huge! Moreover I'm petite sized. They gave me XL. The shorts are touching the ground.

They are a bunch of meanies.

In the end, they gave me a L size. But the number...

As the match went on, I suddenly remember a very important thing I forgot to do before the match.

Oh and one more thing, I'm an expect in making an mild injury look terrible.

I love basketball for its cute guys.

Thai Pub

2008-01-19T00:54:00.000-08:00

It's been a hectic week. No water supply in the residential college for 3 weeks. Lost my handphone. No internet connection. Lost my room keys. Hurt my knee. No more afternoon naps. Even having problems settling down with the new house I'm going to rent in SS17.

Anyhow, there's always the good side. Met an old friend in Times Square.

How did it you tell it was me.

At that very night.

I was really enthusiastic to go. Had make up on, finally get to wear a real woman's clothes.

You know, wearing those mini skirts, a top that doesn't look like it can fit anything. But what was the problem? There is, all uber-sexiness was ruin by...

Sneakers!

Yeap, I wore sneakers and pole dance in Thai Pub. Pretty silly.

Desperado

2008-01-14T17:25:00.000-08:00

We had a friendly basketball match with another residential college the other day. And boy, they play like men!

I must admit, I'm not really the feminine type, but standing next to them, made me look so girly.

We lost, big time, thanks to their ~~overwelming male hormones~~ man-like skills.

On the good side, the guy basketball players are a little, er... ~~gay~~ girl-ish, and not to mention, handsome. Their ass are in a good shape too! (I have an ass fetish)

I even tried to give them my phone number.

Unsuccessful, however.

Of sports' bra and sports' "tunam"

2008-01-13T23:37:00.000-08:00

You know how us girls are lucky they invented sports' bra?

We can stop all the jingling! No more this!

I think it's time to invent sport 'tunam' (beer belly)!

I can't stand to see men with their jingling tummy. It's saddening they don't have any kind of support for their bouncy tummy.

We all need support for our jingling boobs, ass or tunam! It's about time somebody invent them!

But somehow...

There's always somebody that's bursting my bubble...

Xiah as a girl?!

2008-01-09T18:49:00.000-08:00

I'm attracted to Xiah's charisma and cutesy type of manliness. Yes, his everything.

But this is too much.

I must say, as a girl myself, I even lose my femininity to him!

Too dark to see

2008-01-09T18:41:00.000-08:00

My tan hasn't wear off to the extend...

I blend into the background. T.T

Armpit hair

2008-01-08T21:24:00.000-08:00

I wonder why men like armpit hairs. I hate them ever so much. Every time they raise their arms, I want to faint at the sight of...

If you don't want to shave it, fine. What about grooming?

It's way better than that massive hair ball under your arm pits.

Sun burn

2008-01-07T17:46:00.000-08:00

When I came back from Port Dickson, I looked like this.

The good thing was...

And another thing is, my lecturer from Venezuelan was super exciting by my new found skin colour...

Er, is that a good thing?

I forgot, there's that bikini line too.

Sexy? I don't think so.

Pimple growing?

2008-01-07T17:36:00.000-08:00

Before I went to Port Dickson, I had...

After three days of sun and salt water bathing...

The sun hates my bikini and gave me humongous pimples.

Bikini chaos

2008-01-06T22:19:00.000-08:00

I decided to go with the bikini. I even brought two sets with me.I was the only one in the whole beach to wear the bikini. I would be damn proud if I had breasts.

The fun part was probably the cat fight while sitting on the guys' shoulders. And not to mention, doing somersaults while standing on the guys' shoulders.

When I made a deep dive from the guy's shoulder. Splash and ...

I hope nobody saw that.

Floating boobies

2008-01-05T23:35:00.000-08:00

It's so hard finding your own mates when everybody starts swimming or diving under. Then I devised a bright idea.

Identifying the person depends on the cup size.

For guys it's similar but a little different.

Of course, not all floated on their backs. So look at the butt sizes!

Warning - made of 50% crap.

Bikini or no bikini?

2008-01-03T05:42:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I'm heading to Port Dickson for a three days two nights trip. Not that I want to. I live in Kota Kinabalu, so the beach to me, is of nothing special. But there are several reasons why I decided to just go with it.

1. Hot guys

2. I'm sponsored

3. There's no water in the hostel for the next four days and the toilet in front of my room exploded, resulting in crap all over the floor. Stink fest.

4. I want to flaunt in my bikini

Coach still insisted in the training even if there weren't any water, he would send us elsewhere to take baths. At times like this, I wish we had a bath house like in Japan. Coach suggested bathing and mean while training in a swimming pool, I, being naive, said...

Do I look that bad in one? Should I wear and perhaps expose the fact that I do not have large breast? Decisions, decisions...

Smashed boobs

2008-01-02T23:06:00.000-08:00

Was training yesterday. Perhaps it was the lack of training, that by the third day, my concentration was failing. We were practising passing the ball.

Of course, at some point, my mind started to drift away.

Then...

Boy, was I ever lucky I'm not a guy with a *beep* *beep*.

I've found another way to enlarge boobs without sugery.

I became a fat blob

2008-01-01T01:12:00.000-08:00

I love junk food. Breakfast is of junk food, lunch, junk food, tea time, junk food, dinner, junk food, supper, junk food.

I didn't move a finger for two months.

Well, I did move my mouth. Then my coach texted me.

Then I returned to...

When it was back to training...

Holidays is another reason to get fat.

Woot? KK, uncivilised?

2008-01-01T00:34:00.001-08:00

Came across a manga, never thought that's Japanese's impression of us sabahans.

Extracted from old blog.

SMART uniform

2008-01-01T00:32:00.000-08:00

Malaysian uniform is so dull. It's the same old same old design.

But for Korea, it's a fashion. They even have celebrities to promote their school uniform. Oh boy, do I wish uniforms were a fashion here.

Uniforms just couldn't be cooler!

Extracted from old blog.

LG Shine KE970 (TVXQ edition)

2008-01-01T00:28:00.000-08:00

This, I'm definitely going to add to my wishlist.

I have always been fond of LG phone designs. On top of that, my favourite celebrity is featuring this phone. That includes my new love , Xiah JunSoo.

That sleek design is the most! So tell me, what's your dream phone?

Extracted from old blog.

Edited: I went to check out the phone. The cover looks like those stainless steel cutleries. I'm changing my wishlist to the phone Xiah's promoting instead.

If I were Xiah JunSoo's girlfriend

2008-01-01T00:13:00.001-08:00

I wonder what life would be like if i was xiah's ~~non-existant~~ imaginative girlfriend.

For those who don't know who is Xiah JunSoo, he's a member of TVXQ. Please refer to my previous post here.

Here's an adorable picture of my ~~non-existant~~ imaginative boyfriend.

So here's a list of what favorable things that would happen if I were Xiah's girlfriend.

1. I get to wake up in bed next to him!

2. I get to be in the photo shoot with the group!

See me behind Max?

3. Best of all, I get to kiss xiah!

*Lousy editing, I know.

Extracted from old blog - I decided not to put my real picture to avoid obsessive fans.

Moving some posts from old blog

2008-01-01T00:07:00.000-08:00

Yeap, I plan to close down my old blog. Reasons;

1. I'm lazy

2. It's a mess

3. It's hectic keeping two blogs

4. I don't know what to blog about.

So I'm moving some of my favourite posts here.

Caught almost-naked?

2007-12-31T22:56:00.000-08:00

It was a hot hot day when I was staying over at my friend's place. I couldn't bear it so I took off my clothes. Leaving me in my undergarments.

Guys are so lucky because they get to get naked on such hot days and others would take it such a serious thing.

Was having fun reading some manga in my laptop when...

Someone came in. Since covering up was effortless, I tried to be cool about it.

I had to pretend I was Tyra Banks.

Towel-less bath

2007-12-28T05:20:00.000-08:00

I'm staying at my friend's place for the mean time. I was happily having my bath when...

Yeap, I didn't bring any towel. I gathered all my intelligence and used any resources available.

Smart, eh?

I hate packing

2007-12-27T10:10:00.000-08:00

Yes, I really hate packing. I also hate flights. Or maybe because AirAsia offers the most uncomfortable flight ever. If you want to fly cheap, you can't expect the quality to be any better.

Oh, I hate the seats.

It's a three seater! If the person sitting in the inner section wants to go for a pee pee, and the person at the outer section is sleeping. Well, just wear a diaper.

I absolutely hate the seats!

Ow, my aching back after 2 and a half hours of flight. If I was richer I wouldn't be taking MAS either. I'd be Paris Hilton on a private jet. Right, I don't want to be that ditsy.

I just finished packing. And in 6 hours, I'll look like this.

I look like a nerd.

The secret to having bigger boobs

2007-12-26T22:01:00.000-08:00

Or so I thought.

I wonder what went wrong with my genes, every female member of the family seemed to have big boobs, how come I'm so indifferent? That is, I think I've found the secret!

The difference in our living habits is, our sleeping position.

They sleep face down. There were times when I thought they might be dead.

I tried it myself but...

Whenever I want to commit suicide, I'll do that.

When doctors pop the question

2007-12-25T21:48:00.000-08:00

Woke up in pain today. On the right side of my tummy. Which reminds me the first time I had this pain was when I was in uni. Since it happened around midnight, Seniors had to send me to the trauma and emergency unit of the University Hospital.

Waited till 3am for the nurse to check up on me.

And another hour before the doctor check up on me.

Right, the doctor suspected I was pregnant and wanted me to do a blood test. Another hour to wait before the results are out. And then around 5am...

That's not funny, doctor. I can't be giving birth to Jesus Christ. That reminds me, a police played a similar prank with me.

Totally not funny.

Too old to club

2007-12-25T07:34:00.000-08:00

Finally went clubbing during this christmas eve. Old habits may be kicking back, m youth has return! But once I hit the dance floors.

Yeap, I am too old.

Sick

2007-12-25T05:11:00.000-08:00

Never thought I'd say this, but I'm sick. Sick during this festive season. It all happened when I accompanied a friend to buy a birthday. I didn't want to go because the super huge crowds on holidays, but I hadn't got any presents for anyone. So anyway, the symptom kicked in when we were looking at cards.

Wanted to faint. Of course, I wouldn't hesitate if there were cute guys around.

Got home and went to bed. Woke up in a much more terrible condition.

I wish that everybody is in pink of health.

Because you don't want to end up like this.

Merry Christmas

2007-12-24T20:16:00.000-08:00

Sorry, I hadn't had time to update. So much to do but so little time. I'll be back to KL this Friday. So there's a lot to do although there's lots of stuff I want to ~~draw~~ scribble.

I'll update 2 more entries latter in the day. Btw, my brother came back from Singapore today. He missed his flight two days ago. He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. Guess what? I asked for a french maid cosplay costume. He didn't get me it, sadly. But he promised to get me that next time round.

Instead, he got me...

I'm bringing it back to KL, to act as my pillow. But carrying it up the flight...

Let's just pretend my bf gave it to me. But I can't help thinking that it's incest. >.>

Padded underwear

2007-12-23T01:34:00.001-08:00

Today my surrogate sister was suppose to come and have dinner with me, but she couldn't make it. In which reminds me, I hadn't got her a christmas present. I was thinking an underwear but I already bought me one and her mother gave her one type of underwear which I didn't think existed.

For my birthday, she gave me a red G string with cute presentey ribbons to match. It's like saying, "Come and take me boys, I'm the present".

Totally not sexy. Turned out, I did wore them and I remember guys were trying to peek because I was wearing an uber short white, a little transparent pants. Maybe not such a good choice for your birthday. Your boyfriend's birthday, yes. Your own birthday, no.

Anyway, Priscilla was telling me that she told her mother how her ass was too small. Her mother agreed. You see, my surrogate sister is 12 years older than me. She's afraid she might end up a spinster. Having a big ass means you could give birth to many many ~~tons~~ of children. An asset to add to the wedding resume. Mother in laws love this, you know. ~~(They don't need a daughter in law, they need a cow.)~~

So visual is everything. So her mother bought her some padded underwear. Not your bra, but your underwear.

It's more or less like the padded bra.

Before

After

Before

After

She wasn't really convinced with the results though. So she took out the pad from one side of her ass.

Then she went and asked her friend if there was any difference.

Is she blind or something?

Skirt disaster

2007-12-22T02:42:00.000-08:00

Today I got all dressed up and went shopping. Mum woke us up real early because she wanted to avoid the crowd. Right, as if we could.

It's a hot day so I settled with a halter and mini skirt. When I say mini, it's real mini.

Of I go to shopping with my mother (she pays the bills) and my two sisters. My younger sister is kind of tom-boyish so mother asked me and my other sister to help her at least get a more feminine short pants.

I wondered why, every pants my sister put on was, how should I put it, it looked like she had an addition organ.

Anyway, when I went to look for accessories I had to bend down, didn't realise my skirt was folded at the back. My sisters did, but were having fun staring from behind.

That was until some perverts were staring my ass from behind.

We had tea at Burger King. Mother had black pepper burger. I was busy talking to my sisters when she stuffed the remainings of her burger to my mouth.

Black pepper sauce stain on my skirt!

I looked like I'm having menstrual coming out of the wrong place. Don't people get period stains on the back of their skirts. Well, I had it in front. I wonder what people thought of me when I walk past them.

I should have worn pants.

My cat, the womanizer

2007-12-21T01:31:00.000-08:00

Neko is the name of my cat. I am a cat lover. But my parents is not. At least not until my cat claimed territory on everybody's bed.

Of course, he even left present for every one. Not only for my parents. My sisters as well.

Looks like my cat loves me too much. Or hates me.

When I left for Uni, I heard my baby Neko meowed for 3 days 3 nights as if he sensed the absence of me. Or maybe because nobody is there to feed him. >.>

Patiences has it limits.

Dad said Neko went out to fight often. Perhaps looking for a mother's love. Sigh. How sweet of Neko to feel that way. Neko was barely at home. When I returned, he started to stay a while in the house before going to his vicious fights for self discovery.

How was I to know that my baby is doing some feline out there and perhaps trying to escape from responsibility by staying at home next to his mama?

It was a few days back when Neko brought her home. She was skinny and as any mother would, I scolded Neko for engaging in a relationship too soon. Suspected they had already done it but hope she doesn't get pregnant or something.

Usually I would welcome other cats with open arms but I know Dad won't be so fond of it. So I had to suck it up and harden my heart. Sob... Because Dad is a dog lover and I'm getting him a ChiHuaHua soon, nobody is going to care for the cats.

The wife's been coming here for 3 days now. After my collapse of the registration, I woke up to be in more shock.

... He brought back 3 kids.

I don't get any peace and quiet.

I'm old.

Argh! Registration.

2007-12-20T21:57:00.000-08:00

Today is the starting of my university's course registrations. Of course, I have got to secure a spot in Japanese.First thing's first, register the Japanese first.

OMG! I can't believe it! I made it! I got the class! I'm so happy!

I could dance on the table for three days three nights.

Of course, now it's time to register the rest of the subjects. The core subjects. But I never knew that I have the exam dates of my japanese classes clashing with my core subject. That means either I give up Japanese or I have to extend another year to make up for my core subjects.

Froze.

I still can't make up my mind.

Rejection and cancellation

2007-12-20T07:27:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I dressed up pretty. Ever since I enter uni, I hadn't worn a decent dress or had make up on. Yes, I gave up every means to be a woman.

I became...

a creature not worthy being classified as a woman!

After five months in abandoning my femininity, I struggled to be fabulous again. Of course, there's got to be parties where I can flaunt my sex appeal. Yet, the one true problem remains...

I don't have any invites! Or... I always get canceled!

It always happens like this.

Then after getting hyped about everything. This, happens.

After several countless cancellations, I gave up my femininity and became...

Oh to be a woman again. Holidays are coming to an end, and when I'm heading back to uni, god knows I might turn into something much more worse than a man.

Give me back my femininity!

I love torn worn clothes

2007-12-19T22:13:00.000-08:00

I have a great sense of sentimental value on old stuff. Of course, a girl must not show her weakness in front of other girls. So when I was staying in a residential college in UM, my new clothes were my home clothes. Some people thought I was some rich brat which was only half true ~~but in actual fact, I am a poor brat~~.

Of course, I even made a super cute pep song for myself ~~to attract more jealousy~~ to feed my narcissism.

I'm the queen ~~of trash~~. And cute guys bow to me ~~(and that only happens in dreams)~~.

There's a difference when I'm at home. I have an inferior complex with my younger sister, an air stewardess to be who is much taller and prettier than me.

Nevertheless, I love wearing torn clothes because it's so comfy. Mum threw all that clothes away but I went to collect it back in the trash can.

Aha! Is my sister finally jealous of me or something?

... I'm... boobless...

Eye brows

2007-12-19T04:09:00.000-08:00

I was staring myself in the mirror, when I suddenly had a flash back of when I first got my eye brows done. I used to have bushy ~~beast-like~~ eye brows.

Then I went and got my eye brows done. It feels good to look good. Except...

I look like some ~~ugly~~ auntie who shaved off all her eye brow and had them tattooed. Lucky, a friend helped me shape it.

I'm beautiful. Haha. And I left to Uni in KL. Unfamiliar with the places in KL. I hadn't did my eye brows for 3 months. And something bad happened.

I'm mono browed!

The horrors.

Molested by a 5 year old

2007-12-18T18:34:00.001-08:00

I went caroling last night. This year, it wasn't as enjoyable because I could tell that the people felt awkward when we came and sang. Well, it is, after all, one of the church's idea to collect money. But seriously, perhaps everybody is losing their christmas spirit. I, for one, am on the verge of losing it. I guess it's important to do stuff with your family and friends. But the real meaning of christmas is about a certain someone, shouldn't I be doing things concerning him more? I don't know. I should be figuring that out though.

Anyway, I've got molested by a 5 year old at the after party. Yes, you heard me. Not the innocent touch-your-ass kind of thing. This little kid shoved his hand to *ahem* under my ass. Words could barely describe how I felt back then.

If that wasn't enough. He was chasing me around the room and doing me again and again. I tried to make it look like it's not a game. How would I know he would call on more kids to do the same to me. How am I going to explain that this is sexual harrassment?

I thought maybe sitting down would stop them. Boy, was I ever wrong. Never underestimate a kid.

Tried sitting sticking my back to the chair and adding a pillow on my lap. And this happened.

The ~~perverted~~ kid aimed for the *beep* *beep*. I am dumb found. Should I sue the kid or something?

What was I suppose to do? Pretend that it's okay? It'll make me look like I was having fun. Like I was the pervert.

This is just so wrong!

Heat

2007-12-18T11:58:00.000-08:00

There was a black out yesterday. Almost the whole day. It's one of those hot days. In which you could die of heat just in your own home. Didn't feel like going anywhere in that kind of weather. So, I stayed at home and tried sleeping, badly.

However, the heat got the best of me and I could have sworn that I died once.

I woke up and felt dreadful, simply dreadful. Thought of hitting the malls but then again, it would be packed with people, oh how I hate large crowds. It's the festive season, everybody hustling around like little cockroaches at the malls. It's also the school holidays. Teens, not to mention, idol wannabes, hanging around at the cinemas or whatever places to flirt with every guy there is. Been there done that.

My looks are ~~ugly~~ awful ever since I confine myself to the room.

I need to go out. Pronto.

Happy Birthday Xiah JunSoo

2007-12-15T00:00:00.000-08:00

今日は　ジュンスの　誕生日です。
Todavia es el cumpleamos de Xiah JunSoo.

Today's the birthday of Xiah JunSoo. His 21st birthday. At this very moment, he's at Bangkok, Thailand. I hope he's having a warm gathering together with his friends. I hope he's not...

1. Dancing in the clubs with transvestites.

2. Having a massage where as the ladies touch him there* and there*.

3. Hitting the sleazy pubs where women barely dress at all (or are they not women?)

4. Getting drunk and sleeping with just any woman (he's a christian!)

5. Still rehearsing for the tour concert?!

6. Cross dressing just keep away from fans and the media to celebrate a normal birthday (then again, I would love to see that).

7. Watching porn to celebrate. (He's hitting 21)

8. Having bunny ladies jump out of the birthday cake and strip dance for him.

9. Making out with just some girl. (then again, his first kiss hasn't been taken yet.)

10. Having a gay party with the rest of the TVXQ gang.

Happy Birthday!

Shirt designs

2007-12-11T05:24:00.000-08:00

This is my high school uniform.

This is what my sister did to it.

Oh kay, what a way to recycle a uniform.

Here's a challenge. If you were to design your shirt that represents you. How would the design be?

So, how would I customize my own shirt?

or

or, better yet,

Okay, so I'm not good in editing but at least I tried. Accept the gauntlet and show me yours.

Yukata

2007-12-10T22:27:00.000-08:00

Today sensé brought a yukata for us to try on. I had lots of fun.

I pretended to be a ~~boring~~ traditional housewife. Kneeling beside the slide door and opening it softly with one hand. Walking like a ~~rich prostitute~~ geisha, laughing ~~menacingly~~ high-classly like an ojou-sama.

I wish to own one soon. So I'm adding it on my wishlist just below a french maid cosplay costume.

Japanese exam tomorrow, also the last day of class. Saddening but it doesn't take down my determination to master japanese.

Yukata with ~~dorky~~ complete housewife hair.

Hobby Convention

2007-12-08T07:31:00.000-08:00

Today, I was fashionably late for an important event to... KK's very first Hobby Convention.

I was there because of the ~~cute guys~~ cosplayers!

Their outfits looked cool but I couldn't figure out which anime character they were cosplaying.

Haruhi from The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi (涼宮ハルヒの憂鬱, Suzumiya Haruhi no Yūutsu)!

Here's a villain from Saiyúki (最遊記). The mad scientist guy with the bunny who has a twisted personality.

Here's I'm-not-sure-who-but-it's-definitely-not-Sailormoon, Chobits (ちょびっツ, Chobittsu), Me and I-don't-know-for-sure-who-she's-dressed-up-as.

It is a hobby convention after all, there's some promotion of some local manga magazines. Dungeons & Dragons' station is ther e, too. Not to mention some online games!

There were some dance competitions too, not bad, I'll say. To tell the truth, I didn't expect ~~anything~~ much from ~~crappy~~ dancers of KK, but boy, was I soOo wrong, there are actually real good dancers around here, no kidding.

I would have post the dances up if it wasn't because of the video's ~~awfully terrible~~ bad quality. And that includes the Suzumiya Haruhi 涼みや　春日(Hare Hare Yukai　晴れ　晴れ　愉快) dance too. I have a photo of the ending of the dance though.

After the convention, I went... shopping.

But of course, I didn't last more than 2 hours as usual. My sister had to drag me around until I saw... this!

An outfit cost a ~~bloody~~ RM300.00 - 400.00. I always had a thing for cosplaying, just that my budget can't afford me to do so. T.T

Anyway, if anyone is still interested in the convention, there is still tomorrow. The convention is in Asia City. For more information, you can take a peek in a live blog at http://hobbycon.blogspot.com or click here.

Almost the end our one-month Japanese course

2007-12-08T07:05:00.001-08:00

It's been three weeks and I have learned a lot from sensé (せんせい or 先生). It would be superb if i could continue class but I'm a university student after all. I'll be going back to Kuala Lumpur end of this December.

Sad but true. However, if lady luck's smiling at me, I might be taking Japanese class in the university if there is seatings, of course. Now I'll be praying hard. =D

Enclosed is our class photo. Yúji-kun 雄二君 (Jonathan Y)'s was not around though, he went to some driving exam.

From the left; Jonathan (Setsuna-kun せつな君), My sister (Sachiko-san　幸子さん), Me (Réko　鈴子), Kobayashi Sensé -Japanese married to a local (小林先生), Jessica (Miyuki-san 美雪さん) and Adeline (Yóko-san 洋子さん).

Well, there's still one more week of class and... exam! But I must be grateful for the opportunity given to me.

だから　先生　有賀とございました！

私は　日本語が　大好きです！

どうぞ　よろしく。

　

Paradise Kiss

2007-12-06T01:32:00.000-08:00

I'm talking about both the manga and anime. Ai Yazawa, the mangaka that also did Nana (ナナ), Tenshi Nanka Ja Nai (天使なんかじゃない) and Gokinjo Monogatari (ご近所物語) (Apparently, the stories here are linked to Paradise Kiss).

I must say, the manga is lovable, however the ending is... nevertheless, sweet but painful.

Paradise Kiss is, something 'different'. It is a 5 volume relaxing, funny, fashionable and stylish manga. You can relate the character's experience in dealing with life, future and even stress. In short, you see yourself in it.

Paradise Kiss is kind of reality-based. So romance didn't turn out as it should be, with all the happy-ever-afters. But hey, that's real life. Painful but acceptable.

Rei れい　rates this 9.7 out of 10.

Celebrity - TVXQ

2007-12-05T03:31:00.000-08:00

Okay, I admit it. I'm a fan of TVXQ, or known as Dong Bang Shin Ki,Tong Vfang Xin Qi or Tohoshinki, or 东方神起, or とほ神起.

Why do they have so many name? Basically, they're taking Asia by storm right now. A Korean boy band, with their unique voice of 5 began their first debut in 2004. Already successful in Korea, they embarked on a challenge to succeed in Japan. It goes to show that if you succeed in Japan, you're sure to win Asia's heart.

Their singles and albums had already obtain number one in the oricon (Japan charts). They recently went on their 2nd Asian tour.

It was an amazing response from Thailand because when TVXQ flew there to do a measly 3 hour press conference, the government had stores closed for 3 hours just to avoid crowd traffics during the press conference. The number of people attended was even shocking for TVXQ themselves.

Thailand 2007 press conference. Just look at the crowd.

Oh, yeah. I forgot to introduce the members.

From the left; Xiah JunSoo, Micky YooChun, Hero JaeJoong, Max ChangMing, and the leader, YouKnow YunHoo

This picture was shot in Malaysia, my country.

All 5 members have their personality. And my favourite one is none other than Xiah JunSoo

Apparently, this was taken in Paris.

This is the rumoured angel smile. His trademark.

I highly recommend you listen to their songs. They're not just your average pretty-faced boys, you know. Their songs are recorded in Korean and Japanese. They are some bonus tracks in English and Chinese too. You may find their accent funny, haha.

I can see bright future in them.

Your dream car?

2007-12-05T03:25:00.000-08:00

C'mon, everybody has one. Don't be shy, spill!

Well, I was doing a research project on cars, when I come across...

Ferrari Enzo!

I do prefer it in yellow though.

One simply couldn't get enough with this creation. High speed, futuristic design and not to mention, a Ferrari at it too.

Of gadgets I adore

2007-12-05T03:07:00.000-08:00

I simply adore the sleek design of Sony VAIO! This is what I'm going to put in my wish list. A girl can hope, can't she?

I have been going gaa-gaa over Sony VAIO for... for... I do not know how long!

You can't take your eyes away from that outspoken design. Wow, you can dress your laptop!

This is what I call a laptop with an attitude!

If you want a laptop that would match your personality, I'd recommend this.

I bet you can find one that suits you. Sony VAIO's high in quality after all. I anticipate more to come from Sony VAIO.

Maybe I'm just jealous

2007-12-04T04:22:00.000-08:00

My sister doesn't have a vision of what she wants to do with life. And now she thinks further education is wasting her life. She just completed the STPM which is equivalent to 'A' levels.

Influenced by a friend, she now wants to be an air stewardess. You know, dressing up like a doll, putting on make-up, proudly saying that you're working for an airline and feeling that jealousy vibe everywhere you go. Well, that's all the good side she's seeing.

It is pretty naive for her to think things would go smoothly just as long as she has a pretty face. But i think she's wrong. It takes more than that. You have be cunning after all.

Then again, perhaps I'm just jealous because I know I can't accomplish that. I don't have a pretty face even though we're from the same parents. Yet, I'm happy with my accomplishment.

I hope she succeeds in life as she wishes.

Of Japanese class, manga and anime

2007-12-04T04:16:00.000-08:00

My dreams of learning Japanese has come true! I'm currently in a one-month introduction class. If things turn out well, I might be able to continue classes in the university. Then my dreams to work in Japan will come true~

As for manga, anime and J-drama updates, I will soon submit a list for better viewing.

Edited: Done, please turn to the side bar on your right for the listings.

Say ¡Hola! to my new blog

2007-12-04T03:59:00.000-08:00

Since my old blog was so much of a mess.I've have decided to create a new one to start afresh.

My old blog was more pessimistic but that's all going to change.

私のヌイブォゲ。

我的新blog。

Ese blog es la mía.